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Dear R,

I meant to write sooner but I just had a thousand reasons (okay, excuses if you want to call them that) for putting off the inevitable.

After being away from you after my injury in early January, I had the opportunity to confront my “other battles” and at the same time tried my best to make the depressing separation only temporary. 

It was discouraging not knowing why it was not possible to spend time with you.  Was I feeling emotionally defeated because of not being able to run?  Or was not being able to run the result of having a morale which was at an all-time low?  The ensuing events seemed like a vicious cycle.

Other times I would at least feel much better no matter the problems besetting me because I could just get my running shoes and just focus on the things about me and all the challenges I was facing.  This time was different because the trials seemed to come all at once and at a time I could not seek solace from enjoying quality time with you.

What to me at the beginning was my biggest fear of not being able to join the first quarter races I was looking forward to became only secondary to the struggle to come out of the “situation” in one piece.

Buoyed by the support I got from friends both in and out of your circle, I slowly inched my way out of the bottomless pit.  And, by mid-February, I was able to start getting back to my running routine slowly.  Very slowly.

I missed the Skyway marathon and the BDM the following month in the process but because I was able to be with you, if only for 5 and 10k distances, I was at least “surviving.”

These recent events only made my feelings for you stronger even without the absence of big running events.  Sure I would still love to join those in order to satisfy the competitive side of me.  But running, be it at the oval track, my favorite running route or just around the neighborhood, is more than enough for me to get by.  I’ve known that all along but I am constantly reminded now thanks to this experience.

I was able to achieve my modest goal in the first running event I joined in a while.  I have also been doing longer weekend runs now and the 2 to 3 times a week I now get to spend with you is definitely a welcome development to say the least.  I will again start reading my favorite blogs devoted to you and try to write some stuff myself.

And so, having said the things that had been bottled up inside me and having done what I had to do to get to where I am right now, I say these three words that I have been meaning to tell you:

I.  AM.  BACK.

And I hope I’ll never have to say goodbye to you again.  Ever.

Love,

A/EK

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